He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
