I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
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She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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