people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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