it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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