This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
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They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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