your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
