it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
