I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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