All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
