I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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