I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
