Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
