I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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