please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I look better un-naked...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
