on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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