I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
This is classic penis vs brain.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
