He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
