Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
