CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
