you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
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once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
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also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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