I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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