you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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