Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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