I met the friendliest cop last night
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just pee around me
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
