oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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