you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
