Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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