We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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