Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
