i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
