I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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