i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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