why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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