whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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