So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I can't turn off my feet"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
