She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
