We won't sleep together?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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