I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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