I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
