Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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