Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
