i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
