the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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