Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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