i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
