God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Sponge bath it is.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
