yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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