Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
