Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
