he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
