my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
