I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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