And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
