you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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