Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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