Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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