"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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