Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I want a musical about memes.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
