And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
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Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
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Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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