put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
