Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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