Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
