im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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