so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
