FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
